Life Ain't Always Beautiful
Gosh, I never write in this thing, but I'm crying and I don't even know how else to get my feelings out. Maybe ten minutes ago I was so annoyed at my entire family, because I was in one of those "leave me alone" moods. My mom walks into my room, I whip my head around and yell, "What?!" She walks over, asks me if I remember the little girl that she walks for every year at the Relay For Life, I snap a "No" at her, and she tells me that she's been diagnosed with cancer again and there's nothing the doctors can do. OK, I don't even mean to be thinking about myself at a time like this, but what a way to make a girl feel like shit. My mom's face turns white, and I see her eyes tearing up as she tells me that she was talking to her mom today and she told her that "she and her father were going to take turns sleeping with her before she dies." At which point I can't help but start crying. Not just because an innocent little 5-year-old's life is going to end, but because I was honestly cannot believe that I was annoyed at my family. My family. Something so many people don't even have. At my life. My life. Something that so many people lose. And I take it for granted. Every day. And I just feel like punching myself for being so selfish. You know? God, this little girl deserves more than me, and she's been sick for 4 out of 5 years of her life. And she probably won't even make it to 6. And now I'm bawling. I don't even know why. I just know that I can't stop crying and life isn't fair.
